Over the years, oh hell, maybe all of my years, I’ve downplayed and buried my dreams. I’m far enough along in life now that I tend to think about what I can do with the time I have left as opposed to imagining limitless years stretching before me. This doesn’t mean that I sit around contemplating my demise. I swear that I don’t but let’s be realistic. At 62, if I want to get stuff done, I’d better get off my butt and do it. Soon. Today. Now. Often that thought can be paralyzing. It’s easy to make a list of why I can’t accomplish my goals. Too old, no time, mediocre talent, no training and so on. My favorite is if I haven’t already done it, it wasn’t meant to be. Ridiculous. I can reel off this list of why I’ll never do something so quickly that can only mean one thing. I’ve internalized it and engraved it in my brain why I can’t do “fill in the blank”. Why do I shortchange myself? While others encourage me, I quickly stamp out the flame of hope as soon as it ignites. What a waste of time!
Am I one of those who fear success? Seems like it. I wish I knew where I learned this self-limiting behavior. My parents were encouraging. My siblings cheer me on even now. Over the past five or so years, I’ve been fortunate to connect with some of the most amazing artists from all different fields. My life is infinitely richer because of them. Wouldn’t trade my experiences with them for anything in the world. Even they encourage me to chase my goals and believe me, I’m in awe of this talent pool.
Recently I came across a creative goal list I made two years ago. Easily checked off all of the items in less than a year. Perhaps it’s time to update it with new goals I have in mind. Instead of hiding the list away in a drawer, I’ll keep it where I can see it. Then every time my brain fires off the “why you will fail” message, I can review my accomplishments. Remind myself that I can and will do what I’m planning. Rewire my brain from discouragement to hope and certainty. Go from to “not possible” to “why the hell not.”
It could happen? No. It can and will happen.